Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.