It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
