You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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