Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
