i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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