none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
