and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
