Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
