they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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