They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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