So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize