ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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