somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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