I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
