Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
