Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
