I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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