My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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