i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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