Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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