Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
