Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
