Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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