dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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