First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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