I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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