I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
