you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
