im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
