where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
