He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Semen is not good for contacts.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
