she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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