she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
