Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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