So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
