do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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