I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Randomize
