I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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