why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
