I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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