You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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