About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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