Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
