Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
