Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
