You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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