I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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