I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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