Someone shit on the floor
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the condom got lost in my hair
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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