My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
