wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
