I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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