His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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