I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
