dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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