At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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