Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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