Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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