You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
