You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize