You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
