I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
