Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
