first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
